Lessons from King David’s Eight (8) Wives – Part 2: Michal

What King David’s Wives Teach Us About Our Husband’s Heart

Part 2 of a 7-Part Series for Wives Who Want to Understand Their Husbands Deeply

Michal – The Power of Believing in Him

Dear Fellow Wives,

Last week, I promised to take you on a journey through King David’s marriages to unlock the mystery of our husbands’ hearts. Today, we’re starting with his first wife, Michal, and her story broke my heart in the most instructive way.

You see, Michal’s relationship with David began with everything we dream of in marriage: genuine love, mutual attraction, fierce loyalty, and unwavering belief in each other. But it ended in bitterness, contempt, and barrenness. What happened between those two points taught me one of the most important lessons about loving our spouses well.

The Love Story That Started So Right

Picture this: Michal was King Saul’s daughter, living in the palace, when she first saw David. He wasn’t famous yet—just a shepherd boy who played the harp to soothe her father’s troubled mind. While everyone else saw David’s humble origins, Michal saw his heart.

The Bible tells us that “Michal, Saul’s daughter, loved David” (1 Samuel 18:20). In ancient times, when marriages were typically arranged for political reasons, this was a remarkable occurrence. She genuinely fell in love with him.

When Saul offered Michal to David in marriage (hoping David would die trying to earn the bride price), David was thrilled. Here was a woman who loved him not for what he could provide, but for who he was.

Heart check 1: My husband married me when I believed in him completely. I saw his potential, his heart, his dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. But somewhere along the way…maybe through years of daily life, disappointments, or just familiarity. I wondered… had I stopped seeing him the way Michal first saw David?

When Love Becomes Loyalty in Action

The most beautiful part of Michal’s story came when everything fell apart. Her father, consumed with jealousy, decided to kill David. Saul sent men to David’s house to murder him in his sleep.

What did Michal do? She risked everything to save her husband.

“But Michal, David’s wife, warned him, ‘If you don’t run for your life tonight, tomorrow you’ll be killed.’ So Michal let David down through a window, and he fled and escaped” (1 Samuel 19:11-12).

Then, and this part gives me chills—when her father’s men came looking for David, Michal lied to protect him. She put an idol in the bed with goat’s hair to make it look like David was there, sick. When they discovered the deception, she lied again, claiming David had threatened her life if she didn’t help him escape.

Michal chose David over her father, her safety, and her reputation.

Heart check 2: This is when I had to examine my own heart. When my husband faces criticism from the outside world, or even from his friends or family, am I his fierce protector or another voice adding to the chorus of doubt? When he’s vulnerable and afraid, am I the safe place he can run to, or am I part of what he’s running from?

The Years of Separation: What Happens When Belief Fades?

Here’s where the story gets heartbreaking. David fled and became a fugitive for years. During this time, Saul gave Michal to another man, Paltiel. We don’t know her feelings about this forced remarriage, but imagine the pain—separated from the man she loved, not knowing if he was dead or alive, forced into a relationship she didn’t choose.

When David finally became king and had the power to reclaim his wives, he demanded Michal back. Scripture tells us that Paltiel followed behind the procession, weeping. But what about Michal? By now, years had passed. Disappointment had set in. The shepherd boy she’d believed in was now a powerful king, but their relationship had changed.

This is where so many of us lose our way in marriage. Life happens. Dreams get delayed. The man we married doesn’t become who we thought he would become, or at least not as quickly as we hoped. Slowly, imperceptibly, our belief in him begins to erode.

The Fatal Moment: When Belief Turns to Contempt

The end of David and Michal’s love story came when David brought the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem. In his joy and worship, David danced before the Lord with all his might, wearing only a linen ephod, essentially underwear.

Michal watched from her window as the king of Israel danced with abandon, and she was disgusted. When David came home, expecting to celebrate with his household, Michal met him with these cutting words:

“How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!” (2 Samuel 6:20).

David’s response was swift and final: “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor” (2 Samuel 6:21-22).

The Bible’s next words are devastating: “And Michal, daughter of Sau,l had no children to the day of her death” (2 Samuel 6:23).

You can read Michal’s full story in my previous post, ‘Michal: When Love Doesn’t Shield You from Pain‘

The Lesson That Changed My Marriage

When I first read this story, I was angry at David. How could he be so harsh with Michal? But then I realized what had really happened. Michal had stopped seeing David’s heart and started focusing on his flaws. The man she once risked everything to protect had become an embarrassment to her.

She had traded belief for contempt, and contempt kills love.

Heart check 3: I had to ask myself some hard questions:

• When my husband gets excited about something I think is silly, do I support his passion or mock it?
• When he makes mistakes, do I respond with grace or criticism?
• When he’s being his authentic self, do I celebrate that or try to change him?
• Have I become someone who builds him up or tears him down?

What Michal Should Have Done (And What We Can Do)

Imagine if Michal had responded differently that day. What if, instead of criticism, she had said:

“David, I love seeing you so passionate about worship. Your heart for God is one of the things I’ve always admired about you.”

What if she had chosen to see his authentic worship instead of his undignified appearance? What if she had remembered the shepherd boy whose heart had captured hers years before? … You respond to what you choose to see. What are you seeing in your spouse?

Here’s what I learned about believing in our husbands:

1. See His Heart, Not Just His Actions:

When a spouse does something embarrassing or seems unwise, try to look deeper. What’s motivating him? What passion or conviction is driving this behavior? Often, when you look at his heart instead of just his actions, you find something beautiful to affirm.

2. Be His Safe Place to Be Authentic:

David needed to know he could be his true self with Michal. Our husbands need the same—a place where they can be vulnerable, passionate, even silly, without fear of judgment or mockery.

3. Choose Private Conversation Over Public Criticism:

If Michal had concerns about David’s public display, she could have discussed it privately with love and respect. Public criticism—especially in front of others—wounds a man’s heart deeply.

4. Remember Who You Fell in Love With:

Keep a list on your phone of the qualities that first attracted you to your spouse. When you feel frustrated with him, read that list and remember: those qualities are still there, even if they’re expressed differently now.

This Week’s Challenge:

Practical Ways to Believe in Your Husband This Week:

Monday: Verbal Affirmation

• Tell your husband one specific thing you admire about his character. Not what he does, but who he is.

Tuesday: Defend Him

• The next time someone criticizes your husband (including you being tempted to criticize him), choose to speak positively about him instead.

Wednesday: Support His Passion

• Ask him about something he’s excited about, and listen with genuine interest. Don’t offer advice unless he asks—just show enthusiasm for what makes him enthusiastic.

Thursday: Remember Your Beginning

• Write down three things that first attracted you to your husband. Share one of them with him.

Friday: Create Safety

If you need to discuss something difficult, do it privately and lead with affirmation: “I love your heart for our family, and I wanted to talk with you about…”

Weekend: Celebrate His Authenticity

• Notice when your husband is being his genuine self, and celebrate it. Even if it’s not how you would do things, can you appreciate his unique way of being in the world?

The Michal in All of Us

Here’s what I had to face: there’s a little bit of Michal in all of us. We start marriage believing in our husbands completely, but life has a way of wearing down that belief. Disappointments accumulate. Flaws become more visible. The romance of new love gives way to the reality of daily life.

But Michal’s story shows us that when we stop believing in our husbands, when we trade support for criticism and admiration for contempt, we kill something precious in our marriages.

The beautiful truth is that we can choose differently. We can choose to keep seeing our husbands’ hearts. We can choose to be their safe place, their fierce protector, their biggest believer.

Your Husband’s Deep Need

Every man needs to know that his wife sees the best in him, believes in his potential, and will stand with him when the world is against him. This need doesn’t disappear when he becomes successful or when he makes mistakes. If anything, it becomes more important.

Your husband married you partly because you saw something in him that others missed. He needs to know you still see it.

Let us pray:

Heavenly Father,

Help me to see my husband the way You see him—with love, hope, and belief in who he’s becoming. When I am tempted to criticize or mock, remind me of the power of my words to build up or tear down. Help me be the wife who believes in him fiercely, loves him completely, and creates a safe place for his heart to flourish. Show me how to love him in the way he most needs to be loved.

In Jesus’ name. AMEN.

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Next week: Part 3 – Ahinoam: Being His Steady Harbor

We’ll explore how David’s second wife provided stability during his most chaotic years, and what this teaches us about being our husband’s refuge when life gets overwhelming.

With love,
Faith Murithi, FAMU. 
Faith. Align. Move. Unfold.

P.S. If you’re struggling to believe in your husband right now because of hurt or disappointment, start small. Ask God to help you see one good thing about his heart today. Sometimes belief begins with just being willing to look for the good again.