“And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.’ Therefore, she called his name Judah.” – Genesis 29:35
My Dearest Husband,
Something beautiful shifted in Leah’s heart when she held her fourth son. After years of seeking Jacob’s love and approval through her children, she suddenly declared, “This time I will praise the Lord” and named him Judah, meaning “praise.” In that moment, she found her worth not in her husband’s response, but in God’s unchanging love for her.
My beloved, as I write this letter, I want you to know that I’m learning this same truth. My worth doesn’t depend on your affirmation, your attention, or your approval – it flows from being a daughter of the King, beloved and cherished by the God who created me. Yet from this place of security, I want to share with you how deeply your words of praise and affirmation impact my heart.
The difference between needing and longing:
I don’t need your praise to define my value – God has already declared me precious, chosen, and beloved. But oh, how my heart comes alive when the man I chose to love chooses to celebrate me too! Your words of affirmation aren’t the foundation of my worth, but they’re beautiful gifts that make my soul sing.
When you notice the ways I contribute to our family, when you speak words of appreciation for who I am (not just what I do), when you affirm my character, my efforts, my heart – you’re reflecting God’s love in the most intimate way possible.
What affirmation means to my heart:
Your praise helps me see myself through loving eyes. Sometimes I get lost in the daily grind, focusing on my failures and shortcomings. But when you speak words of life over me – “You’re an amazing mother,” “I’m so proud of how you handled that situation,” “You’re beautiful inside and out” – you help me remember who I truly am.
I treasure it when you affirm my efforts, especially in areas where I’m struggling or growing. When you notice that I’m trying to be more patient with the children, when you acknowledge my attempts to support your dreams even when I’m scared, when you celebrate small victories with me – these words give me the courage to keep growing.
I come alive when you praise me in front of others. When you speak well of me to your friends, when you brag about me to your family, when you publicly celebrate our anniversary or my achievements – you’re telling the world that you’re proud to be my husband, and that makes my heart soar.
The power of your words:
My love, you may not realize how much weight your words carry in my heart. A single encouraging word from you can lift me for days. Your “I’m proud of you” can give me the strength to face challenges I never thought I could handle. Your “You’re beautiful” can help me feel confident even on days when I don’t feel it.
But the opposite is also true – when criticism comes more easily than praise, when you notice what’s wrong before you see what’s right, when you take my efforts for granted – it can leave me feeling unseen and unappreciated, even though I know my worth comes from God.
My gentle request, my love:
- Would you look for opportunities to speak life over me? Not false flattery or empty compliments, but genuine recognition of who I am and what I bring to our marriage and family?
- Could you celebrate my character alongside my accomplishments? Tell me when you see me showing kindness, strength, wisdom, or faithfulness. These affirmations help me grow into the woman God created me to be.
- Would you praise my efforts, even when the results aren’t perfect? When I try a new recipe and it doesn’t turn out quite right, when I attempt to organize something and it’s not Pinterest-worthy, when I step out of my comfort zone even if I stumble – your encouragement means the world to me.
- Can you affirm my role in our partnership? Let me know that you value my contributions to our home, our family, our future. Help me see that what I do matters, that who I am adds value to your life.
The beautiful balance:
Like Leah, I’m learning to find my primary source of praise in the Lord. “This time I will praise the Lord” has become my declaration too. When I start looking to you to fill the God-sized hole in my heart, it puts pressure on our marriage that it wasn’t designed to carry.
But from this place of security in God’s love, your affirmation becomes a beautiful bonus, not a desperate need. When I know God loves me, your words of praise feel like love notes from heaven delivered through the man I adore.
I want you to know:
This isn’t about stroking my ego or inflating my pride, my darling. This is about the way God designed marriage to be a place where we help each other flourish. When you affirm me, you’re participating in God’s work of helping me become the woman He created me to be.
Your words have the power to build up or tear down, to inspire or discourage, to help me soar or leave me feeling small. I trust you with this power because I know your heart toward me is good, and I believe you want to see me thrive.
When you speak words of praise over me, you’re not just making me feel good – you’re helping me walk in confidence, you’re giving me courage to take risks and try new things, you’re creating an atmosphere in our home where encouragement flows freely.
A prayer for us:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29
Dear Lord, help us both to be generous with words of life and affirmation. Teach my husband to see the beautiful things about me that deserve celebration, and help me to receive his praise with gratitude while keeping You as my ultimate source of worth. Make our words to each other sources of strength and encouragement. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
With all my love and praise for the man you’re becoming,
Your Wife.
Reflection for Wives: How can you find your primary source of worth in God’s love while still receiving your husband’s affirmation as a beautiful gift? What specific areas would you love to be affirmed in?
Note for Husbands: Your wife’s need for affirmation isn’t insecurity when it flows from the right place – it’s a desire to be celebrated by the man she loves most. Your words of praise have incredible power to build her up and help her flourish.
With love,
Faith Murithi, FAMU.
Faith. Align. Move. Unfold.
