“She conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.’ So she called his name Simeon.” – Genesis 29:33
My Dearest Husband,
This is my second letter. As I pour my heart, I am reminded of Leah’s cry when she named her second son Simeon, meaning “heard.” In her pain, she declared that the Lord had heard her – that Someone was listening to the ache in her soul. My beloved, while I know you love me, there’s a longing in my heart that echoes Leah’s – I need you to hear me truly.
Not just the words that come from my mouth, but the heart behind them. Not just my daily reports or our necessary conversations about schedules and responsibilities, but the deeper currents of my soul that yearn to be known by you.
What does it mean when I ask you to hear me?
When I share something that happened during my day, I’m not just giving you information – I’m inviting you into my world. When I tell you about a conversation with a friend, a struggle I am facing, or a dream I am nurturing, I’m offering you pieces of my heart. These aren’t just words filling the silence; they’re bridges I’m building between your soul and mine.
Sometimes when I speak, I’m not looking for you to solve my problems or give me advice (though your wisdom is precious to me). Often, I simply need you to listen with your whole heart, to validate my feelings, and to let me know that what matters to me matters to you too.
I come alive when you put down your phone, turn your body toward me, and give me the gift of your full attention. When you ask follow-up questions that show you’re truly listening, when you remember details from conversations we had days ago, when you reflect back what you heard me say – these moments make me feel cherished and understood.
The difference between hearing and listening:
Hearing is passive – it’s what happens when sound waves hit your ears. But listening is active, intentional, a choice to engage with my heart. When you listen to me, you’re saying, “You matter. Your thoughts matter. Your feelings matter. Your dreams matter.”
Sometimes I may seem emotional or my concerns might appear small to you, but please know that when you dismiss my feelings or try to fix what I’m sharing quickly, it leaves me feeling unheard and alone. Like Leah, I may wonder if I’m truly valued, if my voice has worth in your eyes.
My gentle request, my love:
Would you create sacred spaces in our days where we can truly connect? Perhaps over morning coffee or during evening walks, times when we both commit to being fully present with each other?
When I am sharing something with you, could you help me feel heard by:
- Putting away distractions and making eye contact
- Asking questions that show you want to understand
- Reflecting back what you’re hearing: “It sounds like you felt…”
- Validating my emotions, even if you see things differently
- Sometimes simply saying, “Tell me more about that”
When you do offer advice or solutions, would you first ask, “Do you want me to help you think through this, or do you just need me to listen right now?” This simple question shows that you understand my heart and want to give me what I truly need.
I want you to know:
This isn’t about you being inadequate as a communicator, my darling. You have so much wisdom and insight to offer, and I treasure your thoughts and perspectives. This is about deepening our intimacy by creating space for both of us to be fully known and understood.
When you truly hear me, something beautiful happens – I feel safe to share more of myself with you. I feel valued and cherished. And you get to know the woman you married in richer, deeper ways. Our conversations become less about logistics and more about life, less about managing our days and more about sharing our hearts.
Like Leah found comfort in knowing that God heard her, I find peace in knowing that the Lord listens to every word I speak and every cry of my heart. But oh, how my soul rejoices when the man I love chooses to listen too, to really hear the woman whose life is intertwined with his.
A prayer for us:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19
Dear Lord, teach us both to be better listeners. Help my husband to hear not just my words but my heart. Help me to share my thoughts and feelings in ways that invite connection rather than create distance. Make our conversations a place where both of us feel heard, valued, and deeply loved. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
With all my love and gratitude for the listener you’re becoming,
Your Wife.
Reflection for Wives: How can you share your heart in ways that invite your husband to listen? Are there times when you’re looking for solutions versus simply needing to be heard?
Note for Husbands: Your wife’s need to be heard isn’t a sign of neediness – it’s a desire for intimacy and connection. When you truly listen to her, you’re offering one of the most precious gifts of marriage.
With love,
Faith Murithi, FAMU.
Faith. Align. Move. Unfold.
