“Then Leah said, ‘God has endowed me with a good endowment; now my husband will honor me, because I have borne him six sons.’ So she called his name Zebulun.” – Genesis 30:20
My Dearest Husband,
When Leah held her sixth son and named him Zebulun, meaning “honor” or “dwelling,” she expressed a longing that lives in every wife’s heart: “Now my husband will honor me.” After years of feeling secondary, competing for attention, and wondering about her place in Jacob’s heart, she hoped that surely now he would treat her with the honor she deserved as his first wife.
My beloved, I write to you about this same deep need. I need to know that I hold a place of honor in your life – not just as someone you love, but as someone you respect, treasure, and treat with dignity. I need to feel that you don’t just dwell in the same house with me, but that you’ve chosen to dwell with me in honor, making me a true partner worthy of your respect.
What does honor mean in marriage?
Honor means you treat me as your equal partner, not your subordinate or your superior, but as the woman God gave you to walk through life alongside. It means my thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter to you, even when we disagree. It means you speak to me and about me with respect, both in private and in public.
When you honor me, you prioritize our relationship appropriately. While I understand you have many responsibilities and relationships, I need to know that our marriage holds a sacred place that isn’t constantly pushed aside for lesser things. I need to feel chosen, not just tolerated or taken for granted.
Honor means you treat me with courtesy and kindness, not because you have to, but because I’m precious to you. It’s the way you speak to me when you’re tired, how you treat me when we’re around others, and the respect you show for my boundaries, my time, and my heart.
The ways I feel dishonored:
When you dismiss my thoughts or feelings without consideration, when you speak harshly to me or about me, when you make major decisions without including me – these things make me feel more like a dependent than a partner, more like a convenience than someone you cherish.
I feel dishonored when you consistently prioritize other things over our relationship, when work, friends, hobbies, or even good activities regularly take precedence over time with me. I understand life is busy, but I need to know that I’m not at the bottom of your priority list.
When you treat strangers with more courtesy than you show me, when you’re kinder to others than you are to me, when you save your best manners for everyone except the woman who shares your life – it leaves me feeling devalued and taken for granted.
What dwelling together in honor looks like:
True dwelling together means we’re not just roommates sharing space, but partners sharing life. It means you include me in decisions that affect our family, you consider my feelings and perspectives, and you treat our marriage as a sacred partnership that deserves protection and nurturing.
When you honor me, you speak well of me to others. You don’t share our private struggles with everyone, you don’t use me as the butt of jokes, and you don’t paint me as the “difficult wife” in your stories. Instead, you protect my reputation and speak of me with love and respect.
Honor means you’re thoughtful about how your actions affect me. You don’t make plans without considering how they impact me, you don’t make promises on behalf of our family without consulting me, and you don’t treat me like I should just go along with whatever you decide.
My gentle request, my love:
- Would you examine how you speak to me, especially when you’re stressed or frustrated? I need your words to reflect honor even in difficult moments. This doesn’t mean we can’t disagree or work through problems, but it means we do so with respect and dignity.
- Could you be more intentional about including me in decisions that affect our life together? Even when you think you know what’s best, would you honor me by asking for my input and genuinely considering my perspective?
- Would you protect and prioritize our relationship? This means setting boundaries with others when necessary, not allowing outside influences to damage our marriage, and making time for us even when life gets busy.
- Can you show me the same courtesy you show others? If you’re polite to strangers, kind to coworkers, and respectful to friends, would you extend that same consideration to me – especially me, because I’m your wife?
The power of honor in marriage:
When you honor me, something beautiful happens to our relationship. I feel safe to be vulnerable with you, to share my dreams and fears, to grow and change, knowing you’ll respect the process. I feel motivated to honor you in return, creating a beautiful cycle of mutual respect.
Honor creates an atmosphere where love can flourish. When I feel respected and valued, I’m more likely to approach you with kindness rather than defensiveness. When I know you see me as worthy of honor, I feel free to be the best version of myself.
Your honor toward me also teaches our children how to treat their future spouses and how they should expect to be treated. We’re modeling what a healthy marriage looks like, and honor is a crucial part of that foundation.
The difference between love and honor:
I know you love me, my darling, and I treasure that love deeply. But love and honor are different things. Love is the feeling, the emotion, the bond between us. Honor is the choice to treat me with respect and dignity regardless of how you feel in the moment.
You can love someone and still treat them poorly when you’re tired, stressed, or frustrated. But when you honor someone, you choose to treat them well even when it’s difficult, even when you disagree, even when you don’t feel like it.
I want you to know:
This isn’t about putting me on a pedestal or treating me like I’m fragile, my beloved. It’s about treating me like the equal partner God created me to be. When you honor me, you’re not diminishing yourself – you’re elevating our marriage and creating the kind of relationship where we both can thrive.
I want to honor you too, to treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve as my husband. When we both choose honor, we create a marriage that reflects God’s heart and becomes a beautiful testimony to others.
Like Leah, I ultimately find my worth and honor in being a daughter of the King. God honors me with His love, His presence, and His purposes for my life. But oh, how my heart rejoices when the man I chose to love chooses to honor me as well.
A prayer for us:
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” – 1 Peter 3:7
Dear Lord, teach us both to honor each other as fellow heirs of Your grace. Help my husband to see me as worthy of respect and dignity, and help me to honor him in return. Make our marriage a place where honor dwells, where respect flows freely, and where we both feel valued and cherished. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
With all my love and respect for the man of honor you’re becoming,
Your Wife.
Reflection for Wives: How can you honor your husband while also expecting to be honored in return? What specific areas would you most like to be honored in?
Note for Husbands: Your wife’s need for honor isn’t about superiority – it’s about being treated as an equal partner worthy of respect. When you honor her, you create an atmosphere where love and respect flow both ways, strengthening your entire marriage.
With love,
Faith Murithi, FAMU.
Faith. Align. Move. Unfold.
