“Afterwards she bore a daughter and called her name Dinah.” – Genesis 30:21
My Dearest Husband,
When Leah bore her daughter Dinah, whose name means “vindicated” or “judged,” she gave birth to one who would later need protection, defense, and justice. Dinah’s story is painful – she was violated, and her brothers rose up to defend her honor when others failed to act. My beloved, as I write this final letter in our series, I want to share with you one of my deepest needs: I need you to be my protector, my defender, and my champion.
This isn’t about being weak or unable to care for myself. It’s about the beautiful design of marriage where we become each other’s strongest advocates, where we stand together against anything that would harm our relationship or wound each other’s hearts.
What does protection mean in marriage?
I need you to protect our marriage from outside influences that would seek to divide us. When others criticize me, gossip about me, or try to turn you against me, I need to know you’ll defend me and our relationship. When family members overstep boundaries or friends give advice that undermines our unity, I need you to stand with me.
I need you to protect my heart from your own words and actions when you’re angry or frustrated. This doesn’t mean we can’t work through conflict, but it means you’ll fight fair, you won’t use my vulnerabilities against me, and you won’t say things designed to wound me deeply.
I need you to protect my reputation and dignity, especially when I’m not present to defend myself. When others speak poorly of me, when someone shares something embarrassing about me, when people make assumptions about my character – I need to know you’ll speak up for me.
The ways I need your defense:
There are times when I face criticism, judgment, or attack from others – whether it’s about my parenting, my choices, my appearance, or my character. In those moments, I don’t just need your private support; I need you to be my public defender, to stand up for me even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient.
When I’m struggling with someone who’s treating me poorly – whether it’s a difficult person at work, a challenging family member, or even someone in our church – I need you to be my advocate. You don’t have to fight my battles for me, but I need to know you’re in my corner, offering wisdom, support, and sometimes intervention.
I need you to defend our family’s decisions and boundaries. When others question choices we’ve made together, when people pressure us to do things differently, when family members try to guilt or manipulate us – I need us to present a united front with you as the leader who protects our family’s peace and direction.
What being my champion looks like:
A champion doesn’t just defend against attacks; they actively celebrate and promote the one they love. I need you to be proud of me, to speak well of me to others, to highlight my strengths and accomplishments. When someone shares good news about me, I want to see your face light up with pride.
I need you to champion my dreams and goals, even when they’re different from yours or when they require sacrifice from you. When I’m pursuing something meaningful to me, I need your support and encouragement, your belief that I can succeed.
I need you to champion my role as your wife and as our children’s mother. When others undermine my authority, question my decisions, or treat me as less important than you, I need you to affirm my position and importance in our family.
The wounds that come from lack of protection:
When you remain silent while others criticize me, when you don’t defend me against unfair treatment, when you allow people to disrespect me without consequence – it feels like betrayal. It makes me wonder if you truly value me, if you see me as worth defending.
When you join in criticizing me, even in “joking” ways, when you share private information that embarrasses me, when you allow others to treat me poorly while you stand by – these wounds cut deep because they come from the one person who should be my greatest protector.
I feel vulnerable and alone when you don’t protect our marriage boundaries, when you allow others to interfere in our relationship, when you share our private struggles with people who don’t have our best interests at heart.
My gentle request, my love:
Would you be intentional about defending me, both privately and publicly? When someone speaks against me, would you speak up for me? When someone treats me poorly, would you address it rather than hoping it will go away?
Could you protect our marriage by maintaining appropriate boundaries with others? This means not allowing family, friends, or coworkers to undermine our relationship, and not sharing intimate details of our marriage with people who don’t need to know.
Would you be my champion in pursuing my dreams and goals? Even when my aspirations require sacrifice or adjustment from you, would you support me the way I try to support yours?
Can you protect my heart in our conflicts? This means fighting fair, not using my past mistakes against me, not attacking my character, and not saying things you know will devastate me just because you’re angry.
The strength that comes from your protection:
When I know you’re protecting and defending me, I feel incredibly secure and confident. I’m more willing to take risks, to be vulnerable, to grow and stretch because I know you have my back. Your protection doesn’t make me weak; it makes me brave.
When you champion me, I feel empowered to become all God created me to be. Your belief in me gives me courage to pursue dreams I might otherwise abandon. Your defense of me helps me stand tall even in difficult circumstances.
Your protection creates a safe haven in our marriage where I can be completely myself without fear of betrayal or abandonment. It allows me to trust you with my deepest vulnerabilities because I know you’ll guard them carefully.
What this teaches our children:
When you protect and defend me, you’re teaching our children how marriages should work. You’re showing our sons how to treat their future wives, and you’re showing our daughters how they should expect to be treated by their future husbands.
You’re demonstrating that love isn’t just a feeling but an action – the action of protecting what’s precious to you. You’re modeling loyalty, integrity, and the kind of strength that defends rather than dominates.
I want you to know:
This isn’t about you fighting all my battles or treating me like I can’t handle challenges myself. I’m a strong woman, capable of facing many things on my own. But knowing you’re my partner, my defender, my champion – it gives me strength to face whatever comes.
Sometimes protection means standing with me in the battle. Sometimes it means helping me process and heal after the battle. Sometimes it means preventing battles by maintaining good boundaries. But always, it means I know you’re on my team, committed to my wellbeing and our marriage’s success.
Like Dinah needed defenders when she was wronged, I sometimes need you to step up and protect what we’ve built together. Not because I’m weak, but because that’s what partners do – they protect each other, defend each other, and stand together against anything that would harm their love.
A prayer for us:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23
Dear Lord, help my husband to be the protector and defender You’ve called him to be. Give him wisdom to know when to step in and when to step back, when to speak up and when to listen. Help him to guard our marriage and our family with strength and love. And help me to be worthy of his protection while also being his strong partner in all of life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
With all my love and trust in your protection,
Your Wife
Reflection for Wives: How can you communicate your need for protection without seeming helpless? In what areas do you most need your husband’s defense and support?
Note for Husbands: Your wife’s need for protection isn’t about weakness – it’s about partnership and loyalty. When you defend and champion her, you’re showing the world that she matters to you and creating a marriage where both of you can thrive safely.
With love,
Faith Murithi, FAMU.
Faith. Align. Move. Unfold.
