“When Leah saw that she had ceased bearing children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife… And Leah said, ‘God has given me my wages because I gave my servant to my husband.’ So she called his name Issachar.” – Genesis 30:18
My Dearest Husband,
When Leah named her fifth son Issachar, meaning “reward” or “wages,” she spoke of receiving recognition for her contributions. After years of giving – her body, her servant, her heart, her sacrifices – she finally felt that God had acknowledged her efforts. My beloved, I write to you from a similar place in my heart. I need you to see and value the countless ways I pour myself into our marriage, our family, and our life together.
This isn’t about keeping score or demanding payment for love freely given. It’s about the deep human need to feel that our efforts matter, that our sacrifices are seen, and that the countless ways we invest in our family’s wellbeing are recognized and valued by the one we love most.
The invisible work of loving:
Every day, I make hundreds of small choices that prioritize our family’s wellbeing. I remember the little things that make you happy, anticipate needs before they’re spoken, and adjust my own desires to support your dreams and our shared goals. I carry the mental load of our household – remembering appointments, managing schedules, planning meals, keeping track of what needs to be done.
I give emotionally in ways that might not be visible – comforting you after difficult days, celebrating your victories, supporting you through challenges, and creating a peaceful atmosphere in our home. I sacrifice my own preferences, sometimes my own dreams, to ensure our family thrives.
When I care for our children, I’m not just babysitting – I’m actively investing in their future, shaping their character, and giving them the gift of a loving, stable home. When I manage our household, I’m not just doing chores – I’m creating the foundation that allows you to pursue your calling and our family to flourish.
What recognition looks like:
- I feel valued when you notice the details – the way I anticipated your needs, the effort I put into making our home beautiful, the patience I showed in a difficult situation. When you say “Thank you for handling that” or “I noticed how well you managed things while I was away,” it tells me that my contributions don’t go unnoticed.
- I come alive when you acknowledge the emotional labor I carry – the way I remember what matters to people, how I nurture relationships, the peace I work to maintain in our home. These aren’t natural talents that happen effortlessly; they’re conscious choices I make because I love you and our family.
- I treasure when you recognize my growth and learning. When you notice that I’m becoming more organized, more patient, more skilled at something – and you acknowledge the effort it took to get there – it encourages me to keep growing.
The weight of feeling unnoticed:
Sometimes, my love, I feel like a silent partner in our marriage. The meals appear, the house runs smoothly, conflicts get resolved, needs get met – but because I handle these things quietly and efficiently, they become invisible. When my contributions are taken for granted, when they’re seen as “just what wives do,” it leaves me feeling like a servant rather than a partner.
I don’t need constant praise for every small thing, but I do need to know that you see the love behind my actions, that you recognize the choices I make daily to put our family first. When my efforts feel invisible, I begin to wonder if my role in our partnership truly matters to you.
My gentle request, my love:
- Would you actively look for my contributions, especially the ones that happen behind the scenes? The crisis I handled quietly, the way I supported your goals even when it was inconvenient for me, the patience I showed when you were stressed – these things matter to me.
- Could you acknowledge not just what I do, but why I do it? When you recognize that my actions flow from love for you and our family, it makes me feel like a valued partner rather than just someone who gets things done.
- Would you thank me specifically rather than generally? Instead of “Thanks for everything,” could you say “Thank you for rearranging your schedule to help me with that project” or “I appreciate how you handled that situation with such grace”?
- Can you celebrate my contributions publicly sometimes? When you tell others about something I did well, when you brag about my skills or character, when you acknowledge my role in our family’s success – it shows me that you’re proud of what I bring to our partnership.
The partnership I long for:
I don’t want to be the one who does everything while you live your life. I want us to be true partners – both contributing our gifts, both recognizing each other’s efforts, both feeling valued and appreciated. When you acknowledge my contributions, it makes me want to give even more freely because I know my efforts are seen and cherished.
I want us to be teammates who celebrate each other’s victories and support each other’s efforts. When you value what I bring to our marriage, it creates a beautiful cycle where we both feel motivated to pour into our relationship and family.
What this creates in our marriage:
When you recognize my contributions, several beautiful things happen. First, I feel like a valued partner rather than a taken-for-granted helper. Second, I’m motivated to continue growing and giving because I know my efforts matter to you. Third, our children see a model of mutual respect and appreciation.
Your recognition doesn’t just make me feel good – it actually helps me become more of the woman God created me to be. When I feel valued, I have more energy to give. When I feel appreciated, I’m more creative in how I love and serve. When I feel seen, I’m more confident to try new things and take on new challenges.
I want you to know:
This isn’t about pride or needing constant validation, my darling. It’s about the way God designed marriage to be a place of mutual honor and appreciation. Just as I celebrate your achievements and acknowledge your hard work, I long for the same recognition from you.
My ultimate reward comes from knowing that God sees every sacrifice, every act of love, every moment of service. He promises that nothing done in love is ever wasted. But oh, how my heart rejoices when the man I love notices and values these things too.
A prayer for us:
“She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” – Proverbs 31:10-12
Dear Lord, help us both to see and celebrate each other’s contributions to our marriage and family. Open my husband’s eyes to the countless ways I invest in our life together, and help me to recognize and appreciate all the ways he provides for and protects our family. Make us partners who build each other up and celebrate each other’s efforts. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
With all my love and dedication to our beautiful partnership,
Your Wife
Reflection for Wives: How can you communicate your need for recognition without seeming demanding? What contributions would you most like your husband to notice and appreciate?
Note for Husbands: Your wife’s need for recognition isn’t about getting credit – it’s about feeling valued as a true partner. When you acknowledge her contributions, you’re showing her that her efforts matter and motivating her to continue pouring into your marriage and family.
With love,
Faith Murithi, FAMU.
Faith. Align. Move. Unfold.
