When Love Isn’t Leading You Closer to God: Knowing When to Let Go.
There comes a moment in many women’s lives when we’re faced with the quiet, yet resounding voice of God whispering, “Daughter, this is not My best for you.” It’s the kind of moment that stirs both pain and peace—a crossroad between holding on and surrendering, between what we thought we wanted and what God is actually calling us into.
Walking away from an unhealthy courtship or dating relationship is not easy. Especially when hopes were high, prayers were made, and maybe even promises whispered. But beloved, I want you to know today, choosing to walk away in obedience is not failure. It’s freedom.
Let’s look at what the Word of God says to guide and strengthen you in this sacred decision.
1. Discern the Fruit
You are not judging, you are discerning. Evaluate the fruits of the relationship: Does this relationship bear peace, patience, kindness, and self-control? Is it leading you both closer to Christ? If the relationship is constantly producing confusion, compromise, or emotional exhaustion, it’s time to examine the fruit.
“Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” – Matthew 7:20 (NIV)
2. Seek Peace, Not Confusion
If your heart is constantly in turmoil, trying to “make it work,” battling spiritual disconnection, or feeling like you’re losing yourself to stay connected, take note: God leads with peace, not pressure. He brings clarity. He confirms. And when He writes your love story, there will be divine peace, not chaos.
“For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” – 1 Corinthians 14:33 (NIV)
3. Use Wisdom to Walk Away Early
God gives us wisdom not to restrict us but to protect us. Don’t ignore the red flags or the still, small voice warning you. You don’t have to wait until you’re deeply wounded to choose peace. A wise woman walks away early when she sees what isn’t right.
Even Joseph, when he believed Mary had betrayed him, chose to walk away quietly, seeking to spare her shame (Matthew 1:19). His example teaches us that it is possible to walk away in wisdom and grace, without drama, without bitterness, and without dishonoring the other person. When you walk away with dignity, you leave room for God to step in with His healing and redirection.
“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” – Proverbs 22:3 (NIV)
4. Remember You Are a Temple
Love Yourself as God Loves You: You are not a trial run. You are not his emotional or physical outlet while he figures things out. You are a temple—set apart, holy, and deeply loved by God. Loving yourself means recognizing your worth and honoring the sacredness of your mind, body, and spirit. Any man who doesn’t treat you with that kind of honor is not God’s best for you. When you truly love yourself as God loves you, you create a boundary of respect that no unhealthy relationship can cross.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit…?” – 1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV)
5. Guard Your Precious Heart
Your heart is the wellspring of your life. If the relationship has become a source of deep confusion, emotional exhaustion, or spiritual compromise, it may be time to guard your heart by stepping away. You are not called to carry what continually breaks you. Guarding your heart means knowing when to walk away before it costs you your identity, your joy, and your intimacy with God.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
6. Choose Silence Over Strife
Not every relationship ends with closure, conversations, or clean explanations. Sometimes, the greatest act of spiritual maturity is knowing when to let go quietly. You don’t have to argue your way out of a relationship. You don’t have to defend your boundaries or explain your discernment to someone who isn’t faithful.
Even Jacob, when he learned that his son Reuben had defiled his concubine Bilhah (Genesis 35:22), said nothing in that moment. He chose restraint over reaction. His silence was not weakness, it was wisdom. He allowed God to be the Judge and kept peace instead of escalating dishonor.
When a relationship becomes a place of tension, manipulation, or unresolved anger, choosing peace over confrontation is not avoidance—it’s protection. Let your quiet exit speak louder than words. God honors your obedience, even in the silence.
“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” – Proverbs 17:14 (NIV)
7. Recognize Red Flags in Courtship:
Gaslighting, Manipulation, and Rage:
As you prepare your heart for godly marriage, God equips you with wisdom to recognize red flags in courtship—those subtle and not-so-subtle signs that reveal when a relationship might be unhealthy or even harmful. The Spirit calls you to discern and to protect your heart.
A. Beware of Gaslighting: When Reality Is Twisted
Gaslighting leaves you doubting your own feelings and perceptions. The Bible warns against deception and those who “call evil good and good evil” (Isaiah 5:20). God desires truth, clarity, and freedom from confusion. When you sense manipulation of truth, listen to the Spirit’s warning.
B. Watch for Manipulation: Control Disguised as Care
Manipulation tries to control your choices and emotions. Scripture reminds us that Christ sets us free (Galatians 5:1) and calls out those who plot evil in secret (Micah 2:1). You are not meant to be bound by another’s control or schemes.
C. Recognize Rage: When Anger Becomes an Enemy
Rage in a partner can be frightening and harmful. Proverbs 22:24-25 advises against close association with the quick-tempered, and James 1:19-20 teaches us to be slow to anger. A wise woman values peace and knows when to step away from fiery tempers.
Finally, Trust That God Has Better!
Trust God’s wisdom: Red flags are not there to shame you or to make you fear love. They are protective signals from a loving Father who wants the best for your heart and your future. When you see these signs, walk away in courage and faith, knowing that God’s peace will guard your steps.
Dear one, walking away from an unhealthy relationship doesn’t mean you don’t believe in love. It means you believe in God’s kind of love—the kind that honors, protects, respects you, and thrives in truth.
Letting go isn’t a loss when God has more. God never withholds His best.
“No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” – Psalm 84:11 (ESV)
Your obedience opens the door to healing. Your “no” is an act of sacred trust in God.
Let us pray:
Heavenly Father,
I come before you with an open heart, thankful for your love, wisdom, and the way you care for every detail of my life. You see what I cannot. You know what’s ahead, and you always lead me in love.
So right now, I surrender my heart to you.
Whatever is not from you, I don’t want it.
Even if my heart is attached, even if it’s hard, give me the courage to let go, the clarity to see, and the peace to move forward.
I choose to trust Your “NO” just as much as I trust Your “YES.”
When red flags rise, whether in the form of manipulation, control, anger, or confusion, open my eyes.
Don’t let me justify what you’re trying to remove.
Don’t let me confuse chemistry with confirmation.
You are not the Author of chaos, and I don’t want anything you haven’t written into my story.
Heal my heart where it has been disappointed, misled, or broken.
Restore the parts of me that feel rejected or weary from holding on too long.
Remind me, Lord, that I am not a mistake to fix or a lesson to learn.
I am your daughter—worthy, whole, and set apart.
Teach me to love myself the way You love me.
To walk in the confidence of my identity in Christ.
To wait for a man who honors you, respects you, and walks in truth.
Father, I trust You with my future, my love story, and my healing.
Lead me by Your Spirit. Even if the path is lonely, I know it will be right, because it’s with you.
Let me rest in Your peace and move only by Your direction.
In Jesus’ name, AMEN.
With love,
Faith Murithi, FAMU.
Faith. Align. Move. Unfold.
